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|Election Season Underway: Ian Strachan's Twenty Questions (Nassau Guardian)|
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|Posted by:||Feb 26th 2007, 03:35:10 pm|
|Fig Tree News Team||20 questions, any answers?
IAN G. STRACHAN
What cookoo times we livin in. Cookoo, cookoo times. As I stood in my friend's yard in Kennedy Sub I swear I thought I heard two friends and former legal partners calling each other everything despicable you can imagine. One was shouting in front of a hyped-up crowd in at the Pinewood Garden's playground and another was doing the same thing at R M Bailey Park. Yet these two men always seem to share a big laugh when they are seen together. Whatever are we to make of this fraternity between the politicians? If only we could bottle that special something our Bahamian politicians spew out of their mouths and sell it on the world market. Think how it would increase our GDP! It's really potent stuff and there's an unlimited supply. We wouldn't have to worry about its sustainability. Problem is it smells real bad.
Anyway, ladies, gentlemen and junglass. Here are my twenty questions to the nation on this blessed day. (If our leaders can talk fool and be rewarded, why can't I?)
Number One: Why can't we get the phonebook properly alphabetized? I mean, why are The College of The Bahamas, The Medi Centre, The Salvation Army and The Poop Deck in the "T" section? I know why, but come on!
Number Two: Why are Bahamian men's feet so foul-looking? And the thing is, women lay with these guys. These fellas have feet that belong in an encyclopedia on human ailments. Think I'm joking? Just look down at some of them when you're in a bank line or at Dirty's. You'll never do it again?
Number Three: Does Ron Pinder own any clothes without vertical lines?
Number Four: What on earth is in those tiny bags Government School kids go to school with these days? Cause it can't be books...
Number Five: Why do pastors pose with their wives in the newspapers to advertise their churches?
Number Six: Why does the FNM accuse the PLP of doing nothing about crime, as if they did?
Number Seven: What ever happened to Singing Prophet Delight? I thought it would be outselling Sunny Delight by now.
Number Eight: This might be my fault for wanting to eat like rich people but how come I can't buy Boursin or any French cheese unless I travel to the eastern or western extreme of the island? How come all I can get is Kraft or Cracker Barrel?
Number Nine: Is it just me, or did Shane Gibson resign without admitting he did anything wrong?
Number Ten: Who put the pepper in the Vaseline?
Number Eleven: What is the correlation between the Pentecostal minister and the Zoot Suit? Do they get a discount or what? And not just any Zoot Suit, it's the broad striped, gold and purple Zoot Suit-that's the hot seller.
Number Twelve: How booming is this booming Bahamian economy when the Government is the main entity providing homes for Bahamians cause people can't qualify at the banks?
Number Thirteen: Why did lawyer Howard K Stern take so many pictures of another man hugging and kissing his woman?
Number Fourteen: Is the brown stuff in the government water good for you?
Number Fifteen: Is it just me or is the PM's signature two-step, the "Christie Shuffle," looking crazier and crazier with each new performance?
Number Sixteen: If a two-piece means just what it says, two pieces, why KFC refusin to gimme two big piece chicken? Why I gatta have a wing or drumstick?
Number Seventeen: Tommy said he trusts Hubert Ingraham. What the *&%#!?
Number Eighteen: How many Bahamas Electricity Corporation employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Number Nineteen: Are any buses stopping at the fancy new blue Bus Stop signs the Ministry of Transport installed?
And last but by no means least . . . drum roll . . . a question that echoes a remark Hubert Ingraham made Tuesday night when he said that the PLP ain't just shootin dey self in da foot, dey AIMING at the foot . . .
Number Twenty: Does PLP now stand for PURPOSELY LOSING POWER?
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